playing with my daughters

Just at thought I had as I was playing with my girls tonight.

I've learned so much about the development of children and teens this past month through my conferences and books I am reading. Two people that have spoken volumes into me lately are Kara Powell and Chap Clark.

So what has been constantly on my mind is the development of adolescence. It is at a certain age that they start to try and pull away from their parents in order to assert their newly discovered role in the family. They are in the beginning stages of going from a child to an individual in the family that has a place and purpose, power and their input should matter. So according to Chap Clark it is our responsibility then as parents to start and move to more of a coaching friend role.

Along with this Noah and I have been having conversations for the past year about how children learn. It's so often that we as parents and as the church are always telling them everything they need to know and leaving nothing new to discover. We continue to do this even trough adolescence and the teen years only to have them go to college and the professor say we are here to help you think for yourself and we are going to challenge everything to help you learn to discover and think for yourself.

So that in itself is scary for a parent. But in putting all this together I thought about how backwards I have approached parenting. My wife and I have spent the past years with our girls trying to teach them right from wrong but maybe more over being their friend. I mean it seems like I have this drive within me to desire my children to like me more than anything - which is why I have a constant struggle with discipline. I HATE IT when she won't come to me because she is mad or hurt. How they learn to give you such a COLD SHOULDER at such an early age, I will never know. And then on the flip side there is NOTHING I LOVE MORE then coming home seeing and hearing my daughter cry out Daddy!! and come running into my arms with a huge hug. I SO TREASURE THOSE MOMENTS!

And then it seems the older our children get the more we want to micromanage their lives over every little detail. And even then it seems the older they get the more we as parents clamp down on them with even more regulations and rules. Now do not get me wrong, children, teens and adults all need boundaries and rules. But I think the older children get maybe the more they need to think for themselves.

There is a statistic out there that says at the very least, probably more, 50% of active youth will leave the church and their faith by after 18 months in college. Why? Good question. But maybe part of the answer lies within all that I have written above. Could it be true that teens are graduating maybe with my faith as a parent but they have not fully taken it on as their faith. Not having environments where they are normally challenged in their beliefs or taught to think, maybe when they get to college and are challenged to do so with unbelieving professors and students - the arguments against God, faith and the church sound pretty convincing.

I don't know maybe there is something to that and I'll keep going over.

So back to where I began. I am so inclined to by my daughters friends when maybe I should be more concerned with being their parent - well establishing those boundaries early. And then later I can enjoy being more of their coach friend as they need more freedom grow up. It's so hard because they actually let me in their lives now but I'm not sure that will always be so in the future.

It breaks my heart to think about it... but it devastates my heart to think that maybe because of something I did in the long run I turned them away from my Incredible God.

Food for thought. I'm not saying I am 100% on board with this but it is something I am thinking through. Parents let me know your thoughts.

And students or maybe even for my daughters many years from now...
as you get older and dad and mom aren't as cool anymore....
Remember we love you! We are so proud of you!
And I hope you'll still let us in to play a couple more innings of your life.

thanks.