playing with my daughters

Just at thought I had as I was playing with my girls tonight.

I've learned so much about the development of children and teens this past month through my conferences and books I am reading. Two people that have spoken volumes into me lately are Kara Powell and Chap Clark.

So what has been constantly on my mind is the development of adolescence. It is at a certain age that they start to try and pull away from their parents in order to assert their newly discovered role in the family. They are in the beginning stages of going from a child to an individual in the family that has a place and purpose, power and their input should matter. So according to Chap Clark it is our responsibility then as parents to start and move to more of a coaching friend role.

Along with this Noah and I have been having conversations for the past year about how children learn. It's so often that we as parents and as the church are always telling them everything they need to know and leaving nothing new to discover. We continue to do this even trough adolescence and the teen years only to have them go to college and the professor say we are here to help you think for yourself and we are going to challenge everything to help you learn to discover and think for yourself.

So that in itself is scary for a parent. But in putting all this together I thought about how backwards I have approached parenting. My wife and I have spent the past years with our girls trying to teach them right from wrong but maybe more over being their friend. I mean it seems like I have this drive within me to desire my children to like me more than anything - which is why I have a constant struggle with discipline. I HATE IT when she won't come to me because she is mad or hurt. How they learn to give you such a COLD SHOULDER at such an early age, I will never know. And then on the flip side there is NOTHING I LOVE MORE then coming home seeing and hearing my daughter cry out Daddy!! and come running into my arms with a huge hug. I SO TREASURE THOSE MOMENTS!

And then it seems the older our children get the more we want to micromanage their lives over every little detail. And even then it seems the older they get the more we as parents clamp down on them with even more regulations and rules. Now do not get me wrong, children, teens and adults all need boundaries and rules. But I think the older children get maybe the more they need to think for themselves.

There is a statistic out there that says at the very least, probably more, 50% of active youth will leave the church and their faith by after 18 months in college. Why? Good question. But maybe part of the answer lies within all that I have written above. Could it be true that teens are graduating maybe with my faith as a parent but they have not fully taken it on as their faith. Not having environments where they are normally challenged in their beliefs or taught to think, maybe when they get to college and are challenged to do so with unbelieving professors and students - the arguments against God, faith and the church sound pretty convincing.

I don't know maybe there is something to that and I'll keep going over.

So back to where I began. I am so inclined to by my daughters friends when maybe I should be more concerned with being their parent - well establishing those boundaries early. And then later I can enjoy being more of their coach friend as they need more freedom grow up. It's so hard because they actually let me in their lives now but I'm not sure that will always be so in the future.

It breaks my heart to think about it... but it devastates my heart to think that maybe because of something I did in the long run I turned them away from my Incredible God.

Food for thought. I'm not saying I am 100% on board with this but it is something I am thinking through. Parents let me know your thoughts.

And students or maybe even for my daughters many years from now...
as you get older and dad and mom aren't as cool anymore....
Remember we love you! We are so proud of you!
And I hope you'll still let us in to play a couple more innings of your life.

thanks.

sending love across the world

This picture shows the extensive flooding.
Captain Chanchai Kantawong / AFP - Getty Images http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24482304/displaymode/1176/rstry/24478247/

My heart and prayers truly go out to the families and people of Myanmar. But as "heart warming" as that is mostly I hope that together we all can help them out somehow. it seems that in America we are so quick to say, "Oh, how terrible!" and then as soon as it leaves the top spot of the news we forget all about it.
Why do we so easily forget things? It's like unless life allows them to affect us personally it really doesn't matter.

But it does. Doesn't it - or it should. We cannot survive apart from each other. We truly were not wired that way. Life and God creates this longing for other people in our lives - to connect with. And through these connections we truly experience a FULL Life. Right. i mean the whole reason for Jesus the Christ - his whole mission wasn't just heaven but it was to give us Life to the Fullest, right. if fact we are encouraged to celebrate with those who celebrate and cry with those who weep from pain and wombs. So maybe just maybe there is some weird connection with me having a broken heart for people I don't even know on the other side of the world.

This is one of the first opportunities I have seen to help out http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24488610/. I know very little about this aid agency or how the money works, so I am not saying that you need to send all this money to them. But I do hope we can find enough compassion in our hearts to do something.

Just do something and connect with the families - our families and friends in Myanmar.

refreshing story of sacrifice

So I’m curious if anyone caught this story. I found this to be a refreshing story that should be a common occurrence. i hope you catch the story of sacrifice and love for another human being regardless of the team they stand on. the church has a great deal to learn from these ladies. thanks.

Opponents carry injured home-run hitter around bases

PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) - With two runners on base and a strike against her, Sara Tucholsky of Western Oregon University uncorked her best swing and did something she had never done, in high school or college. Her first home run cleared the center-field fence.

But it appeared to be the shortest of dreams come true when she missed first base, started back to tag it and collapsed with a knee injury.

She crawled back to first but could do no more. The first-base coach said she would be called out if her teammates tried to help her. Or, the umpire said, a pinch runner could be called in, and the homer would count as a single.

Then, members of the Central Washington University softball team stunned spectators by carrying Tucholsky around the bases Saturday so the three-run homer would count - an act that contributed to their own elimination from the playoffs.

Central Washington first baseman Mallory Holtman, the career home run leader in the Great Northwest Athletic Conference, asked the umpire if she and her teammates could help Tucholsky.

The umpire said there was no rule against it.
So Holtman and shortstop Liz Wallace put their arms under Tucholsky's legs, and she put her arms over their shoulders. The three headed around the base paths, stopping to let Tucholsky touch each base with her good leg.

"The only thing I remember is that Mallory asked me which leg was the one that hurt," Tucholsky said. "I told her it was my right leg and she said, 'OK, we're going to drop you down gently and you need to touch it with your left leg,' and I said 'OK, thank you very much."'
"She said, 'You deserve it, you hit it over the fence,' and we all kind of just laughed."
"We started laughing when we touched second base," Holtman said. "I said, 'I wonder what this must look like to other people."'

"We didn't know that she was a senior or that this was her first home run," Wallace said Wednesday. "That makes the story more touching than it was. We just wanted to help her."
Holtman said she and Wallace weren't thinking about the playoff spot, and didn't consider the gesture something others wouldn't do.

As for Tucholsky, the 5-foot-2 right fielder was focused on her pain.
"I really didn't say too much. I was trying to breathe," she told The Associated Press in a telephone interview Wednesday.

"I didn't realize what was going on until I had time to sit down and let the pain relax a little bit," she said. "Then I realized the extent of what I actually did."

"I hope I would do the same for her in the same situation," Tucholsky added.
As the trio reached home plate, Tucholsky said, the entire Western Oregon team was in tears.
Central Washington coach Gary Frederick, a 14-year coaching veteran, called the act of sportsmanship "unbelievable."

For Western Oregon coach Pam Knox, the gesture resolved the dilemma Tucholsky's injury presented.

"She was going to kill me if we sub and take (the home run) away. But at the same time I was concerned for her. I didn't know what to do," Knox said.
Tucholsky's injury is a possible torn ligament that will sideline her for the rest of the season, and she plans to graduate in the spring with a degree in business. Her home run sent Western Oregon to a 4-2 victory, ending Central Washington's chances of winning the conference and advancing to the playoffs.

"In the end, it is not about winning and losing so much," Holtman said. "It was about this girl. She hit it over the fence and was in pain, and she deserved a home run."

(this story came corurtesy of Fox Sports - All rights for the story go to them. please click on the title of this post to see the original story or go to http://msn.foxsports.com/olympics/story/8091708?MSNHPHCP&GT1=39002)

end of orange

What an incredible 3 days. So I came to the end of the Orange conference yesterday and my mind is still swirling with thoughts questions, ideas, challenges, heart breaks and so much more. It’s like my mind and heart have had too much food at the buffet and now I'm about to hurl. But I keep trying to resist holding onto every last minute thought or idea. I don't want to lose anything or allow any emotion to escape. So many times conferences have been like church camps where it was mind blowing and then a few weeks or a month later it all goes away and reality sits in. I beg of God not to allow that to happen again this year.

Either way it is so good to finally be back with my family – my girls and wife. I MISSED them so much. It gets harder to go anywhere as the years go by, even if it is for a great cause.

I feel I have so much great information that has been thrown at me over the past month. So I decided that over the course of the next few weeks I would be posting my notes from all these amazing speakers. To be fair, you need to understand my notes are mainly comprised of random thoughts from the sessions so I hope you will be able to follow along. If not feel free to ask me to clarify and I’ll do my best. I so want to shout out everything that I've heard and experienced from this past few weeks but I got some sound advice from a friend.. Instead maybe let the information and challenges change and affect you… then share it with people from the acts of your life and your words will then have the substance you desire. That is part of the reason I set up this blog to allow me to dialogue and reflect on my experiences and conversations.

I do not claim to be an expert or even to fully comprehend all that I may post and talk about. All I know is that I have been made for and set on this path for my life’s journey. And it’s my greatest desire and hope that you'll join alongside me on this journey. I look forward to the people I may meet and conversations that are to come so I hope you'll feel free to leave a response or comment. So thanks in advance for your time and for joining me if only for a moment on this journey of life and for your honesty and openness as we seek to be transparent and real. I'll see you along the path. Until then enjoy the life God desire for you to live. prayer: God may you get all the glory for my journey and thanks for placing me on this path. thanks.